Books and writing had a huge impact in terms of literacy throughout my childhood life. Mrs. Seymore, my kindergarten teacher would read thrilling picture books to us everyday, and this began my love for reading. I would run as fast as a jaguar home every day after school to read my favorite books, the Captain Underpants books and the Fudge Series between third and fifth grade. Using my sparkled blue pencils every day, I would write all of my writing assignments assigned to me extremely fast because I also had a passion for writing. This goes back to my mom sitting down with me at our tan dining room table everyday practicing how fast I could write my letters.
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"I remember you asking me to give you little writing assignments, we would do little writing workbooks together. And I would give you little assignments, you know like makeup an essay, and you really enjoyed them."-Sandra Rubinson
Reading back my comments on my old elementary school papers, I saw the words, "Vicky, this is excellent writing, you work so hard every time you write." This would make me have a smile always on my face and a confident attitude to always walk into Demarest Elementary.
I believed that these experiences all shaped my literacy in a positive way, up until I turned into a 12 year old preteen. Then, digital literacy took over my world during this time when the word AIM popped into my life. This first effected me in a positive, then sadly, a negative why , which alerted my once school confidence.
We all remember that rough time of being in school as a twelve year old, that dreadful year before heading into middle school for the next two years. During this time, I would always be seen with no friends near me in class, with my eyes usually gazing in my favorite book, The Outsiders. All of my friends had gotten assigned to be in the “cooler” teacher’s classroom for the year, unlike myself. I felt extremely lonely and my smile would never show in class all day because my classmates and I just did not click with one another. In my favorite outfit of Bobby Jack t-shirt and capris, I would try to walk up to my classmates and talk to them about school or my favorite books. I felt like I was locked away in a prison from my classmates because we would never speak.Sadly, they always had an uninterested look on their faces. Luckily, it only took until half way through the year to break the chains when I learned about an online messaging site. This changed my emotions from depressed to happy regarding having friends in class.
-"New developments in information and communication technologies (ICTs) during this first decade of the 21st century enabled many of them to keep in touch with family, colleagues, and friends from around the globe, as well as acquaintances they had met only online, with an ease and speed that had been impossible prior to this time."-Selfie
AIM gave me the power to connect with "friends". |
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Around the month when the leaves started to turn green during that year again, an idea popped into my head about how to talk to people in my class.One day during that month, I heard two girls in my class named Purvi and Amber, (the girls who would always wear Abercrombie and Fitch sweaters and uggs) talking about something called Aim. I then heard Purvi say, “I loved the online conversation that we had yesterday, can’t wait to chat later!” I then figured out that it was a instant messaging website, and I knew that I wanted an Aim right after I heard the girls talking about it. I thought to myself, "if I had one, people would think I was cool and want to be my friend!". After I heard their conversation, I did something that I probably should have thought about little more about before actually doing it. |
I went up to Purvi and Amber and said:
“Hey you guys should add me on Aim so we can talk after school.”
At first they both gave me a strange look like I was crazy for asking this! Then, they both wrote down there usernames for me. They also asked me for mine. My face lite up like like a little kid in a candy store because they actually wanted to talk to me, even if it was just online,for now.
Then, I remembered that I did not have an aim yet , so I did not have an actual username to give them. I quickly scribbled down “rooty6767” ( because rooty was a nickname and had when I was little), and they told me that they would both chat me later .I knew I should not have lied to the girls and told them I already had an aim. I just wanted to talk to them so badly online. I really hoped that this username was available so I could finally become friends with some of the people in my class.
At first they both gave me a strange look like I was crazy for asking this! Then, they both wrote down there usernames for me. They also asked me for mine. My face lite up like like a little kid in a candy store because they actually wanted to talk to me, even if it was just online,for now.
Then, I remembered that I did not have an aim yet , so I did not have an actual username to give them. I quickly scribbled down “rooty6767” ( because rooty was a nickname and had when I was little), and they told me that they would both chat me later .I knew I should not have lied to the girls and told them I already had an aim. I just wanted to talk to them so badly online. I really hoped that this username was available so I could finally become friends with some of the people in my class.
After school that day, I ran home as fast as I could to make an Aim before the girls realized that I had lied to them about having one. I quickly said “hi” to my mom and darted down to our basement to log onto Aim from our giant , white pc computer. My mom was also fine with me getting an aim at this point because she “thought it would help me enhance my social life at school from this online communication.
As I clicked the “create a username” botton, I prayed that the username that I had given them was available. I was shaking like a leaf with anxiety because I was so nervous. My anxiety depleted when I saw the "Username Available" pop up on the screen and I patiently waited for Purvi and Amber to message me
“Bing..” went a chat bubble noise an hour later. I received a “hey :)” message from both of them, and I felt the happiest I had been in a while. After our conversation had begun, I knew from that moment that I was going to love going on Aim.
As I clicked the “create a username” botton, I prayed that the username that I had given them was available. I was shaking like a leaf with anxiety because I was so nervous. My anxiety depleted when I saw the "Username Available" pop up on the screen and I patiently waited for Purvi and Amber to message me
“Bing..” went a chat bubble noise an hour later. I received a “hey :)” message from both of them, and I felt the happiest I had been in a while. After our conversation had begun, I knew from that moment that I was going to love going on Aim.
ADDICTED
CLOSED BOOKS LIFE REVOLVING AROUND AIM NOW |
Flash Forwarding a few weeks later, the only thing that I would do after school now is stare at my computer screen, typing until my eyes were bloodshot. Talking to people on aim was the only thing that brought my happiness at this time in my life.
The Outsiders was now only staying closed, and my love for books had greatly been affected thanks to AIM. |
Typing a mile a minute on aim was amazing at the beginning of using it. Many girls in my class would chat me first, and we would have some great conversations. They would even talk to me a little during class now, and I would feel so confident walking into my classroom everyday now. "Can't wait to chat with you later Vicky," were the words that I loved to hear from different girls in my class, and I was so glad that I had some "friends" now.
Even though my mom said in our interview that she not like that I was addicted to aim, she still wanted me to have one because,
Well, because I know that you really wanted one, that was how a lot of the kids communicated in that grade, so I knew that if I took it away, you would not have access to that, so I kinda weighed the options."-Sandra Rubinson
Even though I thought this in the moment, this sadly had not been the case. After a few weeks, I always had to type “hey” to the girls online first now to have a conversation with them. They would still talk to me a bit on aim, but the lengths of the conversations had become shorter and shorter . Even though they would still talk to me aim a little, they would barely talk to me in class again. I could never figure out exactly why they did this, maybe they were just trying to be nice to me at first? I was so upset at school now because I thought that there was something “wrong with me”. Since this happened, my eyes went back to staring at books constantly in class too and always depressed in class again.
One day, I placed my book (The Outsiders of course) down on my desk and asked Purvi and Amber, "Why do you guys never message me first on aim anymore?" They just answered without looking me directly in the eyes and said, "We are just busy with homework," but I thought and knew they were lying. My mom was my support system during this time, and in the interview she said, “Oh, it upset me so much obviously that you were upset.”
One day, I placed my book (The Outsiders of course) down on my desk and asked Purvi and Amber, "Why do you guys never message me first on aim anymore?" They just answered without looking me directly in the eyes and said, "We are just busy with homework," but I thought and knew they were lying. My mom was my support system during this time, and in the interview she said, “Oh, it upset me so much obviously that you were upset.”
I did take a break of staring until my eyes were bloodshot on aim because I was so upset with the girls in my class. However, for some reason, I had decided to run back down to my basement and go on aim from our p.c after this. Sometimes, I would just stare at my aim messenger screen for hours upon hours in hope with tears in my eyes that one of them would message me first again. As much as I wished every night that this would happen again, it unfortunately never occurred. My mom would try to tell me, “Vicky please stop staring at the computer hoping for messages, this is not healthy!” I knew that she had been right, but I just felt so hopeless and could not get myself off of the site. Aim had truly destroyed my life for quite some time during sixth grade.
It is now the month where people are constantly by the ocean, and my graduation diplopia now hung in my house. I now spend way hours a night on my giant pc every night on aim, and have gone back always having a book in my hand. Talking in person (and slightly online) with my new camp friends who would be in my middle school made me feel happy to not just talk online to people. Every time I see the girls I used to be "friends" with, I would just glare at them without words leaving my mouth. Aim also made me realize that that even if people are being “nice” to you online, they still might not appreciate you in person. . As stated by Rhinegold, "The future of digital culture -yours, mine and ours-depends on how well we use the media that have infiltrated, amplified, distracted, enriched, and complicated our lives." (p.1)Digital literacy is very significant as long as one is doing it in a healthy way, mindful way. I am glad that I have gravited away from my unhealthy (complicated) obsession with the digital literacy of aim, and hope that my figure with digital literacy has a better impact on my future .